Goals for 2015

Okay, so my 2015 Goals didn't work as well as I'd hoped.

Writing: I kind of crashed and burned mid year, but even before that, I wasn't sticking to the writing goals. I also had a hard drive fail in May, but that doesn't excuse my lack of writing in April and March.

Financially, I was on track to get the 50% reduction I wanted until June (I was at 65%, SO CLOSE!), but again, that psychological crash happened and messed everything up. Now I'm at ~ 80%, so a 0.2 reduction on last year.

Travel: This, I managed, even though the bucket list isn't written. I got to Barcelona, Munich, Rome, Venice and Innsbruck, so I really did get out. Not all those were on my Bucket list, but Rome and Venice were, so that goal can be ticked.

So, okay, emotionally it was a bad year - I'm not sure if I'm going to write about it or not - but I achieved some goals and made progress in others, so it wasn't a total failure. I just need to keep at it.

So here goes.

From last year: I'm taking a leaf out of the book of one of Magical Words Bloggers, and creating a set of Goals for 2014, rather than Resolutions, because Resolutions can be failed and forgotten, whereas Goals are works in progress.

Goals for 2015:

1. Financial Goals:
a) Reduce my debt by Half, and
b) Stick to a weekly budget.

Actions:

• Maintain my budget logger

2. Travel Goals:
a) Make a bucket list of cities, sites and London theatres, I want to visit.
b) Visit at least three of those places this year, one city, one site and one theatre.

Actions:

• Write a bucket list of cities and sites I want to visit
• Write up a log of what shows I've attended in what theatres and therefore which theatres I still need to visit.

3: Health Goals:
a) Aim to loose at least 10kg, preferably 20kg.
b) Keep a Food / Mood & Activity / Mood diary.
c) Walk to or From work at least 5 times a week
d) Do Yoga or Pilates, at least twice a week every week.
e) Attend group all year and work on issues / write about issues / make notes on progress.

Actions:

• Set up a Food / Mood and Activity / Mood diary
• Set up a weight tracker
• Maintain my emotion diary

4. Writing Goals:
a) Write 300 New words a day. Doesn't matter what the writing is - blog, stream of consciousness, story, emotion diary, brain fart - just as long as they're NEW words.
b) Finish CM1 by 31/03/2015 and SEND IT OUT TO AGENTS.
c) Finish Draft 2 of CM2 by 30/06/2015 and Get it into my Critique Group.
d) Finish Draft 1 of CM3 by 30/09/2015.
e) Write Draft 0 of CM4 in November 2015.
f) Blog at least once a month, preferably at least once a fortnight.
g) Write one review a month on the Online Writing Workshop.

Actions:

• Set up a writing tracker
• Set up a submission tracker
• Set up a blogging tracker

5. Reading Goals:
Read one fiction, one non-fiction and one writing reference book every month. My fiction reading especially has plummeted in the last five years, but I have no real excuses - I've still bought books, I'm just stacking them up, so now it's time to get through a couple.

Actions:

• Set up a book log

So there you are. Wish me luck!

Fear Strikes Again

Towards the end of last year, I attended my brothers wedding. The gathering of relatives led to the inevitable questions regarding the life choices of their respective offspring. I was spared a direct interrogation, but there was one question asked, which so interested and bothered my mother, that she  relayed it on to me: Am I planning on returning to Australia or staying in the UK indefinitely?

Very strangely (perhaps familiarly?), this threw me for a bit of a six. By reading this blog, you should know that I do panic when the new confronts me. Depending on the severity of the impact to myself, it can be a panic of a second, through to a headless chicken marathon of weeks. It's my default response. I know and (try to) compensate for it.

However, I thought this "Where I'm going to be in 5 years" thingamy had been sorted. I've had so many flip flops of fate, life turning upside down, then spinning right side up again, that I felt I should have become accustomed to it. That living just year by year should be OKAY.

Apparently not.

I came to the UK because I'd got myself into a rut, an uncomfortable mindless existence, in Canberra. I had to do something radical to find myself again, to free myself from fear, and I did that. Now I find I've got myself into a similar, this time comfortable (albeit much more precarious) rut in London. I haven't settled down, I haven't bought a surplus of kitchen appliances, and I still live out of boxes, but I also have somehow moved into the mindset that this would be an indefinite state of affairs.

So the question slapped me. I need to start planning for the future again.

I can (hopefully) qualify for Indefinite Leave to Remain in May. But does that mean I want to stay in the UK permanently? I definitely know I want to stay that long, and even longer if possible. There is still so much of Europe I haven't seen. I want to visit Brugge, Prague, Rome, Venice, drive the Fairy Tale Road, sail down the Nile, visit Gallipoli... But I also don't want to live in London forever. The Tube disgusts me, the people annoy me, the economy isn't great (although it is picking up), and it's very polluted. I like the weather. Call me strange, but I like the cold, however, I can't really picture myself living in an English country village either, so clean air out of a major city... not so appealing. And I want to be there for mum. She's getting on, she's alone, and she is thinking of downsizing in the next five years. So, home does call... and sooner rather than later.

So, as of now, I'm planning on going back to Aus eventually. I first have to get my ILR. If I don't, all other questions are moot. If I get it though, then I'll write myself a bucket list of places I want to go before I leave Europe. Then when that's done, I'll go home.

So... future planned!

New Years Goals - 2014 Edition

I'm taking a leaf out of the book of one of Magical Words Bloggers, and creating a set of Goals for 2014, rather than Resolutions, because Resolutions can be failed and forgotten, whereas Goals are works in progress.

So, my Goals for this year:

1. Financial Goals:
a) Reduce my debt by Half, and
b) Stick to a weekly budget.

I'm not going to detail what the numbers are, but they're not friendly, so I really need to do this.

2. Writing Goals:
a) Write 600 New words a day, 5 days a week, for 50 weeks of the year. Doesn't matter what the writing is - blog, stream of consciousness, story, brain fart - just as long as they're NEW words.
b) Finish CM1 by 31/03/2014 and SEND IT OUT TO AGENTS
c) Finish Draft 2 of CM2 by 30/06/2014 and Get it into my Critique Group.
d) Finish Draft 1 of CM3 by 30/09/2014.
e) Write Draft 0 of CM4 in November 2014.
f) Blog at least once a month.

They are in order of importance. I've already set up a writing tracker for Goal 2a, and I've already fallen behind, but it's the thought that counts, and this blog - this post - will also add to the numbers.

I plan on doing the last more often than once a month, hopefully at least once a fortnight, but I may not have that much to say. We'll see.

3. Travel Goals:
a) Make a bucket list of places I want to visit before I return to Aus.
b) Visit at least one of those places this year, and plan on visiting two or three in 2015.

So there you are. Wish me luck!

My Favourite Piece from a Musical: Have a little Priest

My Favourite Piece from a Musical: Not sure what is says about me though! :D


Sweeny Todd - Have a Little Priest

MRS. LOVETT:
Seems a downright shame...

TODD: Shame?

LOVETT:
Seems an awful waste...
Such a nice, plump frame
Wot's 'is name has...
Had...
Has!
Nor it can't be traced...
Bus'ness needs a lift,
Debts to be erased...
Think of it as thrift,
As a gift,
If you get my drift!

No?

Seems an awful waste...
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is,
When you get it,
If you get it...

TODD: OH!

LOVETT:
Good, you got it!

Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!
Bus'ness never better using only pussycats and toast!
Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most!
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste!

[Simultaneously]

TODD:
Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion

LOVETT:
Well, it does seem a waste...

TODD:
Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always!

LOVETT:
It's an idea...

TODD:
Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived
Without you all these years, I'll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable!

LOVETT:
Think about it!
Lots of other gentlemen'll
Soon be comin' for a shave,
Won't they?
Think of
All them
Pies!

TODD:
How choice!
How Rare!

[Solo]

TODD:
For what's the sound of the world out there?

LOVETT:
What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?

TODD:
Those crunching noises pervading the air!

LOVETT:
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, all around!

TODD:
It's man devouring man, my dear!

BOTH:
And [LOVETT: Then] who are we to deny it in here?

TODD: (spoken) These are desperate times,
Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for!

LOVETT: Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven!

TODD: What is that?

LOVETT:
It's priest. Have a little priest.

TODD:
Is it really good?

LOVETT:
Sir, it's too good, at least!
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh,
So it's pretty fresh.

TODD:
Awful lot of fat.

LOVETT:
Only where it sat.

TODD:
Haven't you got poet, or something like that?

LOVETT:
No, y'see, the trouble with poet is
'Ow do you know it's deceased?
Try the priest!

TODD: (spoken) Heavenly!
Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps,
But then again, not as bland as curate, either!

LOVETT:
And good for business, too -- always leaves you wantin' more!
Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays!

(sung) Lawyer's rather nice.

TODD:
If it's for a price.

LOVETT:
Order something else, though, to follow,
Since no one should swallow it twice!

TODD:
Anything that's lean.

LOVETT:
Well, then, if you're British and loyal,
You might enjoy Royal Marine!
Anyway, it's clean.
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!

TODD:
Is that squire,
On the fire?

LOVETT:
Mercy no, sir, look closer,
You'll notice it's grocer!

TODD:
Looks thicker,
More like vicar!

LOVETT:
No, it has to be grocer --
It's green!

TODD:
The history of the world, my love --

LOVETT:
Save a lot of graves,
Do a lot of relatives favors!

TODD:
Is those below serving those up above!

LOVETT:
Ev'rybody shaves,
So there should be plenty of flavors!

TODD:
How gratifying for once to know

BOTH:
That those above will serve those down below!

LOVETT: (spoken) Now let's see, here... We've got tinker.
TODD: Something... pinker.
LOVETT: Tailor?
TODD: Paler.
LOVETT: Butler?
TODD: Subtler.
LOVETT: Potter?
TODD: Hotter.
LOVETT: Locksmith?

(sung) Lovely bit of clerk.

TODD:
Maybe for a lark.

LOVETT:
Then again there's sweep
If you want it cheap
And you like it dark!
Try the financier,
Peak of his career!

TODD:
That looks pretty rank.

LOVETT:
Well, he drank,
It's a bank Cashier.
Never really sold.
Maybe it was old.

TODD:
Have you any Beadle?

LOVETT:
Next week, so I'm told!
Beadle isn't bad till you smell it and
Notice 'ow well it's been greased...
Stick to priest!

(spoken) Now then, this might be a little bit stringy,
But then of course it's... fiddle player!

TODD: No, this isn't fiddle player -- it's piccolo player!
LOVETT: 'Ow can you tell?
TODD: It's piping hot!
LOVETT: Then blow on it first!

TODD:
(sung) The history of the world, my sweet --

LOVETT:
Oh, Mr. Todd,
Ooh, Mr. Todd,
What does it tell?

TODD:
Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat!

LOVETT:
And, Mr. Todd,
Too, Mr. Todd,
Who gets to sell!

TODD:
But fortunately, it's also clear

BOTH:
That [L: But] ev'rybody goes down well with beer!

LOVETT: (spoken)
Since marine doesn't appeal to you, 'ow about... rear admiral?
TODD: Too salty. I prefer general.
LOVETT: With, or without his privates? "With" is extra.

TODD: (sung) What is that?

LOVETT:
It's fop.
Finest in the shop.
And we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I've just begun --
Here's the politician, so oily
It's served with a doily,
Have one!

TODD:
Put it on a bun.
Well, you never know if it's going to run!

LOVETT:
Try the friar,
Fried, it's drier!

TODD:
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy!

LOVETT:
Then actor,
That's compacter!

TODD:
Yes, and always arrives overdone!
I'll come again when you have JUDGE on the menu!

LOVETT: (spoken) Wait! True, we don't have judge yet,
But we've got something you might fancy even better.
TODD: What's that?
LOVETT: Executioner!

TODD:
(sung) Have charity towards the world, my pet!

LOVETT:
Yes, yes, I know, my love!

TODD:
We'll take the customers that we can get!

LOVETT:
High-born and low, my love!

TODD:
We'll not discriminate great from small!
No, we'll serve anyone,
Meaning anyone,

BOTH:
And to anyone
At all!

Backblog: On Fear

Backblog from January 2012

I did another thing that scared me tonight: I auditioned for the Bart's Chamber Choir. I didn't do too well - my voice is not as smooth as it once was and it takes a lot of continuous practice to get good, and it's been years since I sang regularly, but anyway, I'll just have to wait and see if I got in or not.

The thing was, the fear....

I felt a little, a momentary twinge, but I pushed it away and it went away and althoguh I was slightly nevous, I wasn't a mess.

When I first did auditions for GS, I was a complete mess.
By the end of my 8-year stint, it was still scary, but not blood curdling.

When I was sixish, I refused to join a swimming team because I was afraid of compettion. I wasn't a bad swimmer either and could possibly have been a lot better, but chieckened out.

Up until I was 13 or 14, I was terrified of making phone calls - the whole what do you say to the person on the other end had me in complete knotts.

My first job, my first trip in an air plane, my first trip OS... all terrified me. I was litterally shaking in my shoes.

I used to let fear stop me from doing things, and avoided all situations and events that could cause it like the plague. Now I actively hunt it - when I feel it, it tells me there's a problem to solve and I need to investigate it. I still have some hot potatoes' in my psyche that I haven't managed to tame into submission yet - large social gatherings is one of them, but I have it on my radar to try to fix. Finding a partner is another, but again, I'm working on it.

I used to flee, now I fight. Is this intelligence or the dulling of sensations with age? Like tastebuds, you can't stand the curry in your youth that is the favourite dish of your older years.

Whatever it is, I like it!

Visa Timeline

I have been doing a rediculous amount of stuff lately, but it's all pretty much geared around keeping my mind off the visa situation.

It really hasn't worked.

The only thing keeping me sane at the mo is that there are many, many other people in the same situation as I am. This website has been a real lifesaver. I Know I'm Not Alone!

So since this is about the only thing I can think about these days, I thought I'd add the timeline here, and I'll edit to keep it current as I go along.

Ps - the UKBA service standard says that they complete 75% of applications in 4 weeks... bollox to that! As of 16/05 I've been waiting for 43 days and I'm not even half way through the process!

So Here Tis:
Current vignette: Tier 1 (General)
Date of expiry of current leave (Visa) : 02 May 2012

1. Application posted: 03 Apr 2012 (Royal Mail Special Delivery)
2. Application received at UKBA: 04 Apr 2012
3. Payment debited: 03 May 2012 - day 30
4. Acknowledgement letter received: 09 May 2012 (dated 02 May 2012) - day 36
5. Biometric letter received: 28 May 2012 (dated 23 May 2012) - day 55
6. Biometrics enrolment completed: 28 May 2012 - day 55
7. Passport, Documents and letter of approval received: 20 June 2012 (dated 18 June 2012) - day 78
8. Biometric Residence Permit received: 21 June 2012 - day 79

Date (new) leave to remain valid to: June 2014

DONE AND DUSTED!!!

Living on a knife's edge.

Time for my visa renewal, and as always, drama and panic ensues.

I can't help it, I'm hot-wired for panic. Oh, not when physical danger attacks - then I act. No, I only panic and go to pieces when something attacks me emotionally. No matter how much time I spend trying to understand my triggers, deal with my issues, learn about why I react the way I do, the minute I'm confronted with something that is an emotional sore point, I suffer almost physical paralysis, while the mice in my head run around frantically in increasingly tighter circles.

Gah.

I may not qualify this time around. For the visa I mean. I may, but I may not. I have no idea - yet again - where I'm going to be living in 2 months time. The ground has been whipped out from under my feet and I'm free falling. I read the application notes two months ago and came to the conclusion I qualified. I read them today and discovered I did not. I'm sure they're the same notes. Lots of phone calls to lots of people later and I may have a chance. But I may not.

Shit.

I am slightly prouder of myself this time around though - I'm still reeling, and my heart is still doing intermittent cartwheels, but I'm thinking now. And taking action too. I only spent an hour in blind panic instead of days of it. And I made a decision; all within 12 hours of discovering I had no hope.

Bah.

You know you're alive when you can't breath.


A poem, for perspective, suggested by my adored mother.

ITHACA

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.

Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean.

C.P. Cavafy

The science of nature.

Interesting.

I just finished reading (yesterday) a book on weight loss that advocates food combining and natural hygiene. One of my new years resolutions is to look after my body much better, which has been complaining to me of abuse for over a decade now, and which I have been abysmally ignoring, so weight loss and healthy eating are very much on the agenda.

But what is food combining and natural hygiene, you say? Both are rather controversial, and not at all supported by a lot of the scientific community, but I thougth it was worth a look anyway. If it didn't make sense, there was no way my logical brain would accept it.

Food combining advocates the separation of foods into groups which are easy for your body to digest together. So fruits should not be eaten with anything but other fruit, meat and carbohydrates should not be mixed together in a meal, but meat and veg or carbs and veg are fine.

Natural Hygiene advocates eating the types of foods we are biologically designed to eat, as well as a lot of other stuff. Ie, vegetables and fruits, like the Apes do now. They advocate becoming vegans in other words.

Well, I'm not sure I agree with a lot of what they say. The whole combination thing is complete hooy to my mind and as for Natural Hygiene we've been eating meat since we lived in caves and if we haven't adapted to digest it by now I'd say natural selection would have insured we'd have died out rather than thrive as we have. But they have something in the 'eat as natural as possible and eat as much veg and fruit as possible'. All diets say that.

The thing is, since reading it I now feel completely and very happily justified in chucking milk and dairy. Well, I've been allergic to milk all my life, so that really wasn't a hardship. I've trialled a couple of milk-substitutes recently, and found one based on rice that I quite like, more than I like milk actually, so that determination was rather easy.

And on ordering a salad for lunch today I avoided the meat section of the salad bar. That too was no real hardship; I've always had to make an effort to eat red meat. For a few years I refused to eat it at all, and only really started to 'enjoy' it when I could afford the very top quality cuts, and then only by always slathering them in a large helping of wholegrain mustard. But in the UK you can pay over £30 a kilo ($45 Aus at today's exchange rate, but it used to be a lot higher!) for fillet steak, so I've really cut back. Chicken, yes I eat it regularly, and I do enjoy a good roasted chicken, so I'm not going to give that up any time soon. But fish... well, I eat that only once a year at the most. Doesn't help that I'm allergic to shell fish and bad experiences in that arena have lead to a general distaste for the whole variety.

The whole food combination thing I'm also very suspicious of, but the one thing the book says you really should do, above everything else, is eat fruit for breakfast. I've heard that before too. So I'm going to try it.

Anyway, my problem seems not to be quality, but quantity. My diet is not horrible, but I eat far too much of everything. I eat far too fast and so never recognise when my body is full. I've read in more than one book that the way to lose weight is actually to be come conscious of what you are eating and how much.

So, here is my new eating regime (gleamed from various books, not just the one I finished yesterday!):

1. Eat only fruit for breakfast.
2. Cut out milk and reduce the rest of the dairy section (Very easy and really good for me in terms of my allergies).
3. Avoid processed meat and reduce other meats (Not hard, already done!).
4. Look after my wonderful machine; listen to my body, eat only when I'm hungry, eat slowly, chew each mouthful to liquefaction, stop eating when full, try to exercise daily.

Let's see how long it lasts... :s

New Year, New Rules.

This year may herald very big changes for me. It might be the last year I live in England. It might not. The Visa Gods have yet to decide. But regardless of my location, I am determined to make a few changes in my life. I have in the past overcome a couple of good obstacles, but I still have a couple of large ones to be encompassed.

So, my goals for this year are quite all-encompassing:

1. To live within my means, and pay back all I owe.

2. To look after this wonderful machine, my body, and let it become the weight it should be.

3. To experience as much as I can and say yes to new experiences, especially to those things that scare me.

4. To blog about all of my experiences and to finish writing a book. Ie, Write, Re-Write and Submit!

5. To open myself up to finding new friends and love and to learn to enjoy socialising.

Some old, some new. We'll see how we go.

Happy New Year All!

Christmas 2011

This was my very first Christmas by myself. Not bad really, for 35 years worth.

I managed not to be morrose at all though. I had my own tree, I called the family, and spoke with them on Skype for a good couple of hours and then I watched movies and did a lot of needleturn and went on a 'London Walk' walk of Dickensian London.

That was quite amazing - there was easily 100 people in my group of tourists, (the photo shows as many of the group as I could catch - no there weren't any other peoeople around, just us!) and there were five or six guides on the day. Obviously not much to do in 'ole London Town of a Christmas day. It was truely strage to not see a single red bus the entire day though. And the rain held off until the very end of the tour, which was lovely.

And then I cooked a proper christmas dinner. It even included roast potatoes, sweet potatoes and carrots - although I managed to undercook the carrots and overcook the brocoli but never mind - it's really quite hard to judge food preparation times for just one person when I'm so used to cooking for many! Entre was Bree and specialty cheeases and complimented by a Jacob's Creek Shiraz/Cab-sav. And I even had my own little christmas pud with custard and brandy butter. So the food compliment was achieved.

On boxing day I caught the Doctor Who Christmas special, which was indeed special. Humany-woomany tears! Lovely.