Brown Day.

Down day today. Don't know why but every human interaction is taking a lot more effort than usual and every time I stop being "On Show" - ie, polite and friendly for an appearance of normality when talking to someone - I slump into a brown study.

Sometimes I feel a bit like an alien in hiding. Like the Slitheen - wearing a human body suite (without the farting of course!). The point is, my insides do not match my outsides at all right now. Maybe I'm a part-time alien? Once every couple of weeks my psyche gets subsumed by another sentience and it watches my life through my eyes. A very sad sentience.

However, the beauty of experience and the wonder of perspective gives me to know that I shall be free of my visitor very soon, and all will be well again. Wonderful thing is knowledge - you can learn from your own history. If you're bright enough that is.

I'm also taking steps to hopefully reduce the frequency of my visitors, visits. I've found a choir to join and also a meditation centre to go to - both within easy distance from my house. More about those anon. And admittedly, the visitations are 100 times better (more infrequent) than five years ago when the monster had a strangle hold on my mind and was choking the life out of me. Millions of thanks go to Jo, Sally, Andrew and Stacy for helping me out of that quagmire. Whether they knew it or not, together we fought the monster until he was forced into full retreat.

But until then, please stare into space with me and wish me luck escaping my monster. Actually, rather than a Slitheen, I think it's more of an octopus, perched on my head, tentacles holding on tight, emitting a cloud of ink, blinding me to reality. That works for the strangulation part too.

So, wish me luck escaping my octopus. Right now, he's being bloody persistent and clinging on against all attempts of removal. Gah.